I am a bad blogger!

This blog was supposed to track my pregnancy, but I am doing a crappy job keeping it updated. I haven't done my weekly post in almost 3 weeks now. Christmas Day I will be 16 weeks! It is so hard to believe I am already that far along. We have started telling more friends and we will be telling Jason's extended family tomorrow on Christmas Eve! I know they are going to be so excited. I have had a lot of people ask me when I found out. When I say October they act shocked. I don't think anyone expects you to keep a secret for that long. Really, I could wait even longer. It has been so awkward to tell people now.

I have been having a hard time thinking about my loss lately. I am so very happy to be pregnant again, but I miss the baby I lost. We would know if he or she was a boy or girl. The nursery would be almost done. It would be time for baby showers and only about 7 weeks till my due date. I should have a big pregnant belly now. I am sure it is just hormones and the holidays, but I have cried a lot the last few days.

It will be out of whack, but I want to go ahead and do an update post!

How far along? 15 weeks 5 days

Total weight gain: I am not sure. I was down 5 lbs at my appointment a few weeks ago, but we don't have scales at home.

Maternity clothes? I have been wearing maternity jeans for a few weeks now. Shirts are still fine, but my pants were getting way tight.

Stretch marks? No new ones.

Sleep: Really crappy the last weeks or so. I toss and turn a lot.

Best moment this week: My friend told me I was starting to look pregnant from the side, lol. That made me happy!

Miss Anything? No, not at all.

Movement: It is still a little too early, but I am should be feeling something soon!

Food cravings: Tudor's Biscuit World bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. If I don't get one soon, I will probably cry.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I still get queasy at least a few times a day. But, it is mostly better.

Sex of the baby: We don't know yet!

Labor Signs: None. 

Symptoms: Growing belly, nauseousness.

Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? Still on.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Very happy!

Looking forward to: Finding out the sex, my belly getting bigger, registering, the baby shower! Lots to look forward to!

13 Weeks

How far along? 13 Weeks

Total weight gain: I am now down 5lbs. I am started to get a belly though, so I am shocked I lost weight.

Maternity clothes? I am now wearing maternity pants. Shirts are okay, but all my pants are too tight.

Stretch marks? No new ones.

Sleep: I am sleeping a little better lately. 

Best moment this week: I got to see my sweet baby and hear its little heartbeat! It was amazing.

Miss Anything? No, not so far!

Movement: It is still too early, but hopefully in the next few weeks.

Food cravings: I really haven't been craving anything lately. I have trouble finding things to eat, but that is getting better, too.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I am having a hard time finding things to eat, but as far as feeling really sick, that seems to be waning.

Gender: We don't know yet!

Labor Signs: None. 

Symptoms: Fatigue, light nauseousness, bloat.

Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? Still on.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, happy, happy! (Duck Dynasty reference, lol)

Looking forward to: I am finally feeling comfortable enough to start researching baby stuff! We will probably start a registry soon. I don't go back to the doctor until January 4th. And my anatomy scan is January 23rd.

12 Weeks!

How far along? 12 Weeks

Total weight gain: At my last appointment I gained 3 lbs. I hope I haven't gained much  more than that.

Maternity clothes? I gave in and bought some pants. The jeans are heavenly!

Stretch marks? No new ones.

Sleep: Not so good. I usually wake up around 6 and have trouble falling back to sleep.

Best moment this week: Not feeling as sick!

Miss Anything? No not at all!

Movement: Too early.

Food cravings:I have had Jason make me spaghetti twice now. Other than that I just eat whatever I can stomach at the moment. That has been hard!

Anything making you queasy or sick: I feel queasy 24/7 especially when I think about food. I got to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner an extra time because I got sick afterwards.

Gender: We don't know yet!

Labor Signs: None. 

Symptoms: Nausea, fatigue, constipation, bloating.

 Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? Still on.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty moody! Just ask Jason.

Looking forward to: My next appointment coming up on Tuesday!

Here is my picture for HDBD!

We have a HB!

A lot has happened since I last updated! I got to go in for my OB intake appointment. She said everything looked good, but she wanted to know why I hadn't had an ultrasound yet. I thought I was having one that day, but apparently the nurse and the receptionist got their wires crossed. The doctor decided to bring me in the next week for an ultrasound due to my previous loss. I was so excited and nervous. Our loss milestone was marked as 8 weeks 3 days even though we didn't find out until 12 weeks. So we would be passed that point, but now I know that hearing the HB is not a guarantee. We heard it last time and still lost our sweet pea. Hopefully this time is different! Anyway, here is a picture of our little one at 9 weeks 1 day!

I go back on December 4th for our next ultrasound and OB appointment! Fingers crossed everything still looks good!

Pregnant After a Loss

I knew that getting pregnant after a loss would be terrifying. I just didn't realize how scary, stressful, and heartbreaking it would be. Jason or I neither one can seem to let go and actually be excited. I try to remind myself that this is a new pregnancy and a new day. Many times I think about how far along I should be with the baby we lost. At this point we would know the sex of the baby. It would be time for baby showers and finishing the nursery.

Earlier this week I had a few bad days. I realized that when I made my appointment for next week that the receptionist didn't say anything about an ultrasound. I called the office and sure enough, I wasn't put down for an u/s, just an OB take-in appointment. She also said that they probably won't be able to get me into u/s that day, but maybe the next week. That just broke my heart. At the appointment next Friday I will be 8 weeks 3 days, the approximate day our baby quit growing last time. After I got off the phone I had a little meltdown. Then of course I talked myself into thinking something was wrong now.

We decided to go ahead and tell our parents that we are expecting again. It took a lot of convincing, but I knew that if something were to happen I would want their support. Here is to hoping the next week flies by and I have a great first appointment, u/s or not!

This is a shock.

Today I am 9DPO. That means according to the basal body temperature I record every morning I ovulated 9 days ago. For some reason when I woke up this morning I had the urge to test. I just used one of the cheapie Wondfos that come with the OPKs. I waited five minutes and checked... I thought there was a faint line, but when I asked Jason he said he couldn't see anything.

I still felt like there was a line there, so when I went to the store this afternoon I picked up a First Response Early Response test. They are supposed to detect HCG levels 6 days before your missed period. I was going to wait till tomorrow morning to take a test so I could use first morning urine that is stronger, but I just couldn't wait. Sure enough 3 minutes later there were two lines! A positive test...

That is a pretty strong line for only 9DPO! I texted Jason at work and told him to call me. There was no way I could wait till he got home tonight to tell him. I also called the doctor right away because of the Thrombophilia and my recent loss. I go see the nurse on Thursday at 3!

We are cautiously optimistic and happy. I am definitely nervous, but I know this will be my take home baby! <3

In the meantime...

While we get back on the TTC journey, I decided to take on a project. My BIL was about to throw away an old dresser with beautiful lines. There was nothing wrong with it except the top drawer is missing the guide. Here is the subject of the project!

 

My first step was to pick out a bright paint color. Yellow was the first color to pop into my head, and I just ran with it.

Sherwin Williams decisive yellow it is! I had some left over primer from painting in our house. So I made a trip to the store for sandpaper and wood filler. I first sanded the piece down to do away with some rough edges and even everything out. Plus it roughed the wood up to better accept the primer. I used the wood filler to take care of the holes from the old hardware. I knew I wanted to do some fun modern knobs, so the old ones were taken off and the holes filled in.

I wasn't completely concerned with how well the primer covered the dresser. I just wanted to make sure the major parts were taken care of and I had a mostly clean slate for the yellow. I primed the dresser on Thursday and allowed it to dry overnight. I *almost* fell in love with the grey enough to go with a shade of grey, but in the end yellow won.

The next two pictures of the yellow were taken outside in direct sunlight right after painting. They make the color look much lighter than it really is! 

 

I did this project partially on my drive way and partially in our outbuilding. After two coats of paint on Friday (one early morning and one early afternoon), I had to wait to bring it inside! Late Friday evening I couldn't handle it anymore so I carried it in to the spare bedroom.

 Hi kitty!

After that the hunt was on for knobs. I knew Antropologie had gorgeous ones, but they weren't really in my price range for this project. I went back and forth between black or grey knobs, but in the end I didn't want anything that would take away from the bright yellow. Glass or clear knobs seemed to be the obvious choice! After a lot of hunting I found these beauties on Amazon.

At $3.00 I thought they were a steal! I talked Jason into helping me add them to the dresser today and here is the finished product.

Here is the condensed run down!

1. Sand dresser down. Wipe off to remove dust and dirt.
2. Fill in any holes or abnormalities in the wood.
3. Prime. And let dry.
4. Paint one coat. Let dry.
5. Paint coat two. Let dry.
6. Attach new hardware.
7. Tada!

This was a cheap project as well! The dresser was given to my by my brother in law. He was going to throw it out anyway. I paid $19 for the paint from Sherwin Williams. And I paid $18 for the knobs from Amazon. That's it!

These steps obviously worked for this type of wood, but it may not work for everything. I am so proud of this little project. Hopefully I can find something else to throw myself into soon!

Oops

Sorry I have been away for a while! Today I am 5 weeks post D&C. That also means I should be 17 weeks pregnant. But on a good note, I started my period yesterday, woohoo! I never thought I would be so happy to say that. I had blood work done last Monday to do testing for my Thrombophilia diagnosis. The doctor called Tuesday to let me know that everything came back fine. I do have Thrombophilia, but I won't have to have any treatment until I become pregnant again. When I do get pregnant I will have to have a shot daily, but that is nothing if it means I will get to bring home a baby!

For now we are back on the TTC bandwagon. I am temping and charting and using OPKs this cycle. Fingers crossed for a June baby!

While these things have been going on we did add a new member to the family! We finally decided on and bought Jason a new truck. It is a Ram 3500 Diesel. I like to call it his new baby. It is big and beautiful and I love it as much as he does. Some people have been talking crap about us buying such a big truck when we don't have much use for it right now. It is so petty. We went ahead with such a big truck because someday we will have a camper and then we won't have to worry about not having enough truck to haul it with! And we bought it because we wanted to!

Anyway, here she is!

Direction

I had an post-op appointment last Friday with my doctor. It was mostly just informational. She didn't do an exam like I thought she would, but she did have some important news for me. During my D&C she noticed some strange things about the tissue. Normally tissue from a first loss is not sent to pathology for testing, but combine with the strange look, the fact I was so late into the first trimester, and hearing the heartbeat, she had mine sent off anyway. The pathologist found that I have a condition called Thrombophilia. It is a type of blood clotting disorder and is very likely the cause of my miscarriage. Next week I am having a Thrombophilia blood panel done. It should narrow down many things about this disease. My doctor did say that when I get pregnant again I will have to have a shot of blood thinner everyday.

Also, we have been cleared to start trying to conceive again once I have one period. It is promising that we got pregnant on our own once, and it is possible that the loss and D&C can help straighten out my cycle. If I don't have a period in 6 weeks I do have to go see the doctor again. If things do not progress normally and we get pregnant soon I made an appointment for 6 months out, but the doctor seems to think I will be back well before then. I don't think I have ever been so anxious for my period to come before.

At least we are heading in a good direction!

Tuesdays and Thursdays

Am I always going to hate these two days of the week with the burning fire of a thousand suns? It sure feels like it. I found out I was pregnant on a Tuesday. I found out I was no longer pregnant on a Tuesday. I had my D&C on a Thursday. Two weeks ago today to be exact. Last Thursday and today both I have spent the whole day thinking about what I was doing this time on Thursday August 2nd. Driving to Huntington, dealing with a crappy phlebotomist, going over medical history, having a meltdown, wheeling to surgery, driving home. I just replay it all.

Honestly though, I haven't cried in a few days. I am feeling much better about things overall. I know there is a reason this miscarriage happened, and I also realize I will never know that reason. Tomorrow I go to my post-op appointment. We will discuss when Jason and I can try again though I feel like we will wait a little while.

Something else, I am so glad I started this blog when I did. Yes, it is hard to go back and read my original posts, but if I hadn't done them I wouldn't remember how I was feeling at those moments. They were so full of joy and hope for the future. I hope I can feel that way again someday.

Back to the real world.

Tomorrow I have to head back to work. I am dreading it. Absolutely, completely dreading it. My heart hurts that I have leave this house. It is safe and quiet. I don't have to talk to anyone unless I want to. Now I have to put a smile on my face and pretend everything is okay. But, it isn't. It will never be okay again.

It has been 3 days since my D&C. Physically I am doing good. Mentally is another story. Sometimes I feel like I am doing okay, but most of the time I have a tightness in my chest that won't go away. Time will heal all wounds, but I sure wish time would move a little faster.

"My life is like a Lemon Drop
I'm suckin' on the bitter to get to the sweet part
I know there are better days ahead." - Pistol Annies

One journey ends...

... And another begins. A journey of loss. I never thought I would have to experience this but here I am. After hearing that strong, steady heartbeat at 8 weeks along, I really thought we were in the clear. This baby was not meant to be.

Today Jason and I went to the doctor for a routine appointment. After discussing some basic things she tried to find the heartbeat with the doppler. After trying for what felt like forever, but was actually probably 10 minutes she made the decision to send me to ultrasound for a quick look. She went ahead with my exam and said everything looked and felt great. So on down to ultrasound I went.

I knew as soon as that ultrasound wand touched my stomach that something was wrong. The baby looked tiny. Nearly the same size as it had at my other ultrasound. The baby only measured around 9 weeks. There was no heartbeat.

Now we have to make the decision about how to proceed with things.

Where do we go from here?

Bump-ish

Here is it. My first official bump-ish picture. Today I am 11 weeks 4 days and I wore my first maternity shirt. It was completely unnecessary, but I can't pass up wearing a new shirt!

The last few days I honestly haven't been feeling very pregnant. My bloat has subsided and my morning sickness has worn off. I know I am coming up on the end of the first trimester, but all this has been accompanied by some light spotting. Luckily I have a Dr. appointment coming up on Tuesday, and I am sure they will tell me everything is fine!

We have a due date!

February 11th is the big day!

I had an appointment with the nurse in my OB's office today. She is a sweet woman who remembered me from my crazy story of finding out I was pregnant at the doctor's office. The appointment was kind of silly aside from nailing down a due date. Just answered a lot of questions about medical history. I have to come back in a little over a week for a complete exam by the OB. Joy, joy. After that I will get to see her at her other office in Huntington which is way more convenient for Jason and I.

I have been reading The Mayo Clinic Guide to Pregnancy. It is so straight forward. I am thinking about skipping ahead to the actual birthing chapter. That is where I need the most help, I think. Or the post-partum chapter. Eeek!

10 Weeks

I haven't had much to update in the last few days. I had to reschedule my first prenatal appointment with the nurse due to a conflict at work. Now it is tomorrow afternoon.

I still have yet to take any bump (or pre-bump at this point) pictures. I tried to use my tripod to take a few pictures inspired by Pinterest. That didn't work out very well. My lens and bedroom just weren't working right. Since today is HDBD (hump day bump day) I should go set up my tripod again and try to take a few more.

Until I have something more exciting to share here is a survey many pregnant bloggers use.

How far along? 10 Weeks

Total weight gain: I am actually down 10 lbs.

Maternity clothes? None yet!

Stretch marks? Not yet and hopefully none at all!

Sleep: I am sleeping well, but like a rock. I have to go to bed by 10 or I am a bear the next day.

Best moment this week: Nothing too exciting has happened.

Miss Anything? I have never been a big drinker at all, but I could totally go for a margarita now!

Movement: Too early.

Food cravings: Aside from a Bloomin' Onion, nothing particularly. I am still experiencing heavy food aversions.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I feel queasy 24/7 especially when I think about food.

Gender: We don't know yet!

Labor Signs: None. 

Symptoms: Nausea, fatigue, constipation, bloating.

 Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? Still on.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty moody! Just ask Jason.

Looking forward to: Buying nursery furniture and cleaning out our spare rooms!

This is really happening.

It has been nearly two weeks since Jason and I got the news that will change our lives forever. We are going to be parents!

 I found out I am pregnant in a very unconventional way. And that is where this crazy ride begins. After having long cycles and not having a period since March 24th, I finally got to a new doctor that was willing to prescribe me Provera to help move things along. After discussing a few more things, I told the doctor about my lower abdominal cramping and extremely sore breasts. She gave me a funny look and sent me to the bathroom to take a pregnancy test. She said she "just had a feeling about me". The nurse took my test back to her cubical to wait the results while I made a follow up appointment with the receptionist. A few minutes passed and the nurse came around the corner holding the test. She had this happy/excited look on her face. And the best words possible came out of her mouth, "You are pregnant!" Of course I immediately burst into tears right there. Instead of Provera my prescription was changed to prenatal vitamins. The doctor came back out and set me up with blood work the following day to check my numbers. And and ultrasound was scheduled for the next week for dating.

The blood work showed me to be 5 to 6 weeks along. But, the ultrasound showed a little one about 8 weeks along. That means I am due around mid February! I feel so behind because we didn't find out until a bit later than most, but I know I have 32 weeks to prepare my home and life to bring my precious baby home!